Do you want a man or do you really want a godly man? I have tried to make this a very practical list drawn from my own personal experience, looking for love in all the wrong places but finally being blessed with an amazing husband. Now, disclaimer, this is by no means an exhaustive list, but I would call it a good starting point also this post was written with the support of my husband.
There will be points in this list you will disagree with, that will make you laugh and will even challenge your direct situation.
My aim is to make you think, ladies. So if you’re not ready for this literary rollercoaster, feel free to step off the ride at the entrance and explore the other rides in the park.
But for all the rest of you still with me, buckle up.
He is committed to Jesus (VIRTUE – COMMITMENT)
C’mon, this is the first test! If he can’t commit to Almighty God, then the chances of him staying loyal to you are dramatically reduced. I’m not saying a non-Christian man is automatically a useless one but remember, this is about a godly man. Stay focused!
If you want godliness to be yours and your children’s portion, make sure he’s in the light.
(2 Corinthians 6:14) Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
He’s not calling you at booty call hours (VIRTUE – SELF CONTROL)
This one isn’t just about phone calls ladies. Pray for a man that will have enough spirituality about him to uphold a righteous standard, even when no-one is watching. This is a good indicator of whether he will have enough conviction to uphold holy standards in marriage, like controlling himself at work, or controlling himself in front of a computer screen.
If you want to go deep, look for a man filled with The Spirit of God (notice I said THE Spirit, not ‘a spirit’). This is not just about speaking in tongues – this is about the fruit he displays in his life one of which is SELF CONTROL.
(Galatians 5:22-23) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
He prays for you regularly (VIRTUE – HUMILITY)
Life is hard. And you will both hit times where it’s gonna take more than yourselves to get through. What you need is a praying man to call down spiritual forces to cover you, your household and your family.
It takes a humble man, after all, to admit he doesn’t know all the answers and seek guidance from a higher power. Does your man seek to bring God into as many situations as possible? Or is the sound of him praying as rare as a full moon on a cloudy afternoon?
(Ecclesiastes 4:12) 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
He gets mad, but does not sin (VIRTUE – FORGIVENESS/INTROSPECTION)
What is he like when he is angry? Is he a gust of wind or a tempestuous tornado? Does he throw things? Does he strangle people? Does he make violent threats? These are all red flag moments and may potentially save you years or heartache and regret, and possibly spare you your life.
A furious man that will fly off the wheel at any given moment is nothing to play with, and as exciting as it may be that your man has an ‘edge’, it gets tired quickly and really isn’t worth you risking your life. Notice how I said ‘but not sin’. We all get upset, but maintaining self-control and not harbouring bitterness is essential in creating a happy atmosphere in a relationship.
Can he say sorry? There are few things worse than a pouting man. But there are few things better in a man than one who is willing to rise up out of the ‘zone of contention’, be the bigger man and seek reconciliation. After all, crazy plus crazy equals more crazy.
If he finds it hard to say sorry you don’t have a godly man.
(Matthew 6:15) But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
He won’t complain about paying the restaurant bill (VIRTUE – GENEROSITY)
This is controversial. Selfishness and love of self is the root to a lot of spiritual issues, period. But when it comes to your relationship and money, girll…you better pay attention!
In a modern era where women are often more able to be financially comfortable without a man, sharing in a relationship is a downplayed virtue. I remember my husband my husband asked me to pay for his burger when we were dating and I got mad. I was in shock that a man will ask me for a £1. Looking back now, paying at the restaurant is not the be and end all. Can he take care of you is the question to ask.
The old saying still holds: Your treasure is where your heart is (Matthew 6 vs 21)
Now, it should be said this should not to be confused with deliberately cleaning your man out of his last penny to test him, Miserly selfish men are only out for number one.
He treats the women in his life well (VIRTUE – KINDNESS)
How your man treats some of the most important women in your life is a SERIOUS indicator of how he will treat you. Does he push the women in his life around, or is he courteous? Does he have manners? Or is he disrespectful to his mother and aunties? How does he treat his younger sisters?
Believe it or not, how your man sees other women plays off in how he sees you. Find a man who will treat women in his life with respect as a precursor for how he will treat you.
(1 Timothy 5:2) ((Treat)) older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
He can hold down a job for more than six months (VIRTUE – GRIT)
It is often said the workplace is the godly man’s training ground, and for good reason. Especially for a Christian, the modern workplace is filled with potential pitfalls of pride, HR horrors and floundering floozies flattering eyelids (say that five times fast!).
In the midst of all the difficult conversations that need navigating, scenarios where dishonesty may not only be permissible but encouraged and rewarded, and where infamous Christmas parties are a steaming wasteland of happy homes ruined by a drunken moment of stupidity, your man will need enough in him to make a stand, but KEEP A JOB. This balance act requires intelligence, godly wisdom and most of all grit; that he can grind even when every part of his flesh tells him to pack it in.
Can your man keep a job?
(Romans 8:18) I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Congratulations! You made it to the end of the list. How did your man score?
Be sure to cross-check your own attitudes with each and every one of these, as generosity, kindness, grit, forgiveness and humility are not exclusive to just men!
It is important to note that he may not have absolutely all of these, so don’t strike him of you list yet.