Knowing our identity in Christ shapes and molds the way we view things and the decisions we make. I have decided to blog daily and focus on one chapter in the bible. Proverbs 31. This book is a cornerstone to what a godly woman ought to be and I believe that this series will reveal the love of God and also help me develop in understanding my purpose . We will start with a few verses each day and break it down .
Today we are focusing on Proverbs 31 vs1 – 3
The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message,a]”>[a]”>aa]”>] which his mother taught him.
2 O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows, 3 do not waste your strength on women, on those who ruin kings.
Context
These verses are words from a wise mother to her son. In context, she is referring to warning the King from having too many foreign wives. In my view; men may rule but women have influence. If a man marries a woman of a different culture or belief, their children will take up what they are influenced by.
Bring this into modern day life. If a man gets with a lady of different standards or beliefs eventually someone or something will have to give. Have you heard of the term ‘ to be unequally yoked” this applies to every area of our lives.
Moral of the story
Don’t waste your time with people and things that do not add to you. Do not date people for the sake of it. Do not give your emotion and body to someone who has the potential to ruin you and your destiny.
Invest in building friendships, invest in getting to know yourself. When you truly know your self and your value, you will have more to offer.
Do you want a man or do you really want a godly man? I have tried to make this a very practical list drawn from my own personal experience, looking for love in all the wrong places but finally being blessed with an amazing husband. Now, disclaimer, this is by no means an exhaustive list, but I would call it a good starting point also this post was written with the support of my husband.
There will be points in this list you will disagree with, that will make you laugh and will even challenge your direct situation.
My aim is to make you think, ladies. So if you’re not ready for this literary rollercoaster, feel free to step off the ride at the entrance and explore the other rides in the park.
But for all the rest of you still with me, buckle up.
He is committed to Jesus (VIRTUE – COMMITMENT)
C’mon, this is the first test! If he can’t commit to Almighty God, then the chances of him staying loyal to you are dramatically reduced. I’m not saying a non-Christian man is automatically a useless one but remember, this is about a godly man. Stay focused!
If you want godliness to be yours and your children’s portion, make sure he’s in the light.
(2 Corinthians 6:14) Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
He’s not calling you at booty call hours (VIRTUE – SELF CONTROL)
This one isn’t just about phone calls ladies. Pray for a man that will have enough spirituality about him to uphold a righteous standard, even when no-one is watching. This is a good indicator of whether he will have enough conviction to uphold holy standards in marriage, like controlling himself at work, or controlling himself in front of a computer screen.
If you want to go deep, look for a man filled with The Spirit of God (notice I said THE Spirit, not ‘a spirit’). This is not just about speaking in tongues – this is about the fruit he displays in his life one of which is SELF CONTROL.
(Galatians 5:22-23) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
He prays for you regularly (VIRTUE – HUMILITY)
Life is hard. And you will both hit times where it’s gonna take more than yourselves to get through. What you need is a praying man to call down spiritual forces to cover you, your household and your family.
It takes a humble man, after all, to admit he doesn’t know all the answers and seek guidance from a higher power. Does your man seek to bring God into as many situations as possible? Or is the sound of him praying as rare as a full moon on a cloudy afternoon?
(Ecclesiastes 4:12) 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
He gets mad, but does not sin (VIRTUE – FORGIVENESS/INTROSPECTION)
What is he like when he is angry? Is he a gust of wind or a tempestuous tornado? Does he throw things? Does he strangle people? Does he make violent threats? These are all red flag moments and may potentially save you years or heartache and regret, and possibly spare you your life.
A furious man that will fly off the wheel at any given moment is nothing to play with, and as exciting as it may be that your man has an ‘edge’, it gets tired quickly and really isn’t worth you risking your life. Notice how I said ‘but not sin’. We all get upset, but maintaining self-control and not harbouring bitterness is essential in creating a happy atmosphere in a relationship.
Can he say sorry? There are few things worse than a pouting man. But there are few things better in a man than one who is willing to rise up out of the ‘zone of contention’, be the bigger man and seek reconciliation. After all, crazy plus crazy equals more crazy.
If he finds it hard to say sorry you don’t have a godly man.
(Matthew 6:15) But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
He won’t complain about paying the restaurant bill (VIRTUE – GENEROSITY)
This is controversial. Selfishness and love of self is the root to a lot of spiritual issues, period. But when it comes to your relationship and money, girll…you better pay attention!
In a modern era where women are often more able to be financially comfortable without a man, sharing in a relationship is a downplayed virtue. I remember my husband my husband asked me to pay for his burger when we were dating and I got mad. I was in shock that a man will ask me for a £1. Looking back now, paying at the restaurant is not the be and end all. Can he take care of you is the question to ask.
The old saying still holds: Your treasure is where your heart is (Matthew 6 vs 21)
Now, it should be said this should not to be confused with deliberately cleaning your man out of his last penny to test him, Miserly selfish men are only out for number one.
He treats the women in his life well (VIRTUE – KINDNESS)
How your man treats some of the most important women in your life is a SERIOUS indicator of how he will treat you. Does he push the women in his life around, or is he courteous? Does he have manners? Or is he disrespectful to his mother and aunties? How does he treat his younger sisters?
Believe it or not, how your man sees other women plays off in how he sees you. Find a man who will treat women in his life with respect as a precursor for how he will treat you.
(1 Timothy 5:2) ((Treat)) older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
He can hold down a job for more than six months (VIRTUE – GRIT)
It is often said the workplace is the godly man’s training ground, and for good reason. Especially for a Christian, the modern workplace is filled with potential pitfalls of pride, HR horrors and floundering floozies flattering eyelids (say that five times fast!).
In the midst of all the difficult conversations that need navigating, scenarios where dishonesty may not only be permissible but encouraged and rewarded, and where infamous Christmas parties are a steaming wasteland of happy homes ruined by a drunken moment of stupidity, your man will need enough in him to make a stand, but KEEP A JOB. This balance act requires intelligence, godly wisdom and most of all grit; that he can grind even when every part of his flesh tells him to pack it in.
Can your man keep a job?
(Romans 8:18) I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Congratulations! You made it to the end of the list. How did your man score?
IMPORTANT
Be sure to cross-check your own attitudes with each and every one of these, as generosity, kindness, grit, forgiveness and humility are not exclusive to just men!
It is important to note that he may not have absolutely all of these, so don’t strike him of you list yet.
People have different ways of dealing and coping during difficult times and as christians we are not immune to life struggles and the hardship of life. God has blessed us with tools and he has also equipped us with all the knowledge to apply in order to survive. Applying these christian tips during hard times will help us survive the difficult times in life.
For a very long time, I read the scripture below and took it to mean that God will never give us more than we can bear. Which is completely false but breaking it down provides a deeper revelation:
In 1st Corinthian 10: 13 : No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].
The revelation: During Hard times we are more likely going to be tempted to fall into sin and this scripture demonstrates the God will not tempt us even during dark and difficult periods of our lives.
Case study: A young christian woman experiences hardship that feels like an assault in her life. Due to this experience, she is more likely going to be tempted to do things she wouldn’t usually do. Let’s be honest, we all have a sinful nature and bad experiences can surfaces our desire to sin.
So let me cut to the chase, it would be easy to be religious and say just PRAY and read your BIBLE. But sometimes we need a little be more realistic practical tips.
Talk to someone. Even if you have nothing to say, share with someone that you have nothing to say but you are not alright. In shining a light on the darkness, you are going to expose the devils strategy. It is important that you have at least one person you can confide in.
LISTEN TO WORSHIP MUSIC
Music has the ability to get into your subconscious without your approval so listening to worship music, it will take your mind of yourself and focus on who God is, how great and amazing Jesus is. I sometimes fall into the trap of listening to secular music in hopes that it will lift my mood and it will for a short time period but the sadness and anxiety or stress will return.
The truth is, if our vertical relationship is out of check, everything horizontal starts to fall apart.
Let God in with worship. I love Tasha Cobbs – spirit , Bow down and worship him, you are Alpha and Omega. These tunes get me into the zone. Music also has the ability to make you want to worship and pray as you listen to the lyrics.
PRAY
I know I mentioned it would be easy to ask you to just pray but prayer is our source of strength so we can not neglect it during hardship. Worshipping God will inspire you to pray. Pray is just taking to God. It does not have to be formal or ordered. Just say what is on your heart and God will hear you.
READ YOUR BIBLE – DO A STUDY
During hard times, it can be difficult to read your bible but the bible is the living word and God speaks to us through his word. We live in day were we all have access to technology and access to christian apps makes it even more easier to access the bible on the go.
WHAT TO READ IN THE BIBLE DURING HARDSHIP
When you do not know what to read, you can simply turn to the concordance (the back of the bible) and look for topics that matter to you in that moment. You can also use apps like YouVersion or Glo Bible which provides short studies/reading plans tackling specific issue. E.g, I was struggling with the fear of lacking in finances. I typed in finances and a well of topics came up.
Once you find your relevant topic, read the word with any supporting notes and just meditate on it.
HELP SOMEONE ELSE
When we take the focus off ourselves, we are able to heal and get through our problems. Help a new believer, meeting up with a friend who needs to know Christ or selfishly help someone who is going through more than you can in turn help you through your own difficulty.
Be an encourager to others in your time of hardship.
The over-arching truth is that what God says about us is the overall truth because we have the ability to lie to ourselves and then believe our lies. Be objective and choose to listen to what God says about you. I hope these Christian tips helps you during hard times.
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